The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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