My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
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doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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