you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
