there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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