Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
