Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
