just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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