I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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