I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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