This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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