Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
