Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
