Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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