Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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