Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
