I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
