i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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