I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
