is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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