she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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