apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
