His pubic hair was longer than his dick
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
