Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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