I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
