I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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