i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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