If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
