dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
