Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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