This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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