I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
