would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
