I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Soap is not a condiment
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
