Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
