Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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