YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
