speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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