i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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