She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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