are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
