Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
