Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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