YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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