that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
