I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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