and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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