dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He did a backflip because drugs
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
