I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
