I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Holy shit dude........stairs
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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