the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
