Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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