Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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