I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
