Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
