yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
