don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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