You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Houston, we have a blender
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
