Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
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Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
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Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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