So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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