I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
