Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
