i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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