No awkward lesbian experiences without me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
