Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
We're too hungover to prance.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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